--- title: Our Blog - AMF Divorce | max.melomed@gmail.com description: From mortgage professionals to therapists to attorneys, the team at A.M. Financial works closely with these types of professionals. --- ## A.M. Financial - [Services](https://amf-divorce.com/divorce-transition-services) - [Service Plan](https://amf-divorce.com/service-plan) - [Frequently Asked Questions](https://amf-divorce.com/frequently-asked-questions) - [Our Blog](https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog) - [About Amy](https://amf-divorce.com/about-amy) - [Contact Us](https://amf-divorce.com/contact-us) - [Services](https://amf-divorce.com/divorce-transition-services) - [Services](https://amf-divorce.com/divorce-transition-services) - [Service Plan](https://amf-divorce.com/service-plan) - [Frequently Asked Questions](https://amf-divorce.com/frequently-asked-questions) - [Our Blog](https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog) - [About Amy](https://amf-divorce.com/about-amy) - [Contact Us](https://amf-divorce.com/contact-us) [Book a Meeting](https://calendly.com/amymahlenmelander/consultdivorcefinancialplanning) # max.melomed@gmail.com ## [Buying a Home in the Midst of a Divorce](https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/buying-a-home-in-the-midst-of-a-divorce) April 24, 2023 Managing living arrangements during a divorce is tough and is typically the first item on the to-do-list as a divorce moves forward.  **Determining who is going to keep the house, where someone is...** [CONTINUE READING](https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/buying-a-home-in-the-midst-of-a-divorce) ## [4 Methods of Divorce and How They Impact Your Finances](https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/4-types-of-divorces-and-how-they-impact-your-finances) April 05, 2023 There are many ways to approach the divorce process. The options you have to get from deciding to get a divorce to finalizing your divorce and the ways you might even mix and match these methods... [CONTINUE READING](https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/4-types-of-divorces-and-how-they-impact-your-finances) ## [Avoid Tax Landmines While Transferring Assets Post-Divorce](https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/avoid-tax-landmines-while-transferring-assets-post-divorce) March 30, 2023 Your divorce is final, you can finally breathe and start to rebuild. The next item on your to-do list is complying with your agreements and facilitating the division of property. Transferring... [CONTINUE READING](https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/avoid-tax-landmines-while-transferring-assets-post-divorce) ## [7 Things to Review Before Signing Final Divorce Papers](https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/7-things-to-review-before-signing-final-divorce-papers) March 29, 2023 Divorce is a tumultuous time where couples race to the finish line. Although the temptation is understandable, it is important to slow down and prevent as many post-decree disputes ahead of time.... [CONTINUE READING](https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/7-things-to-review-before-signing-final-divorce-papers) ## [Support Obligations During COVID-19 Unemployment](https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/support-obligations-during-covid-19-unemployment) March 25, 2023 The Coronavirus pandemic has sparked mass unemployment across the US, affecting numerous divorced families with court ordered support obligations. Many unknowns remain during this time such as how... [CONTINUE READING](https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/support-obligations-during-covid-19-unemployment) ## [Converting Rental Property to a Primary Residence: Property Division in Divorce, Part 4](https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/converting-rental-property-to-a-primary-residence-property-division-in-divorce-part-4) March 05, 2023 When dividing assets in divorce most people, individuals, mediators and attorneys alike, tend to focus on the property division spreadsheet. Current values of assets are listed along with... [CONTINUE READING](https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/converting-rental-property-to-a-primary-residence-property-division-in-divorce-part-4) ## [7 Tips if a Divorce is on the Horizon](https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/7-tips-if-a-divorce-is-on-the-horizon) February 07, 2023 **What do you need to know if a divorce is possible in your future?  Regardless of which path your relationship goes, here are seven helpful tips to be aware of:** **1. Seek the RIGHT Advice for YOU** ... [CONTINUE READING](https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/7-tips-if-a-divorce-is-on-the-horizon) ## [Stress Testing a Budget in Divorce](https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/stress-testing-a-budget-in-divorce) January 14, 2023 Transitioning financially through divorce has many moving parts. Stress testing your strategy regarding how income and expenses can change your circumstances in the future is important to consider.... [CONTINUE READING](https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/stress-testing-a-budget-in-divorce) ## [Property Division Values, Part 3: Home Equity](https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/property-division-values-part-3-home-equity) January 13, 2023 When dividing assets in divorce individuals, mediators and attorneys alike, tend to focus on the property division spreadsheet. The current values of asset and debt balances determined to be... [CONTINUE READING](https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/property-division-values-part-3-home-equity) ## [5 Helpful Tips to Get You Through Divorce](https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/5-helpful-tips-to-get-you-through-divorce) June 01, 2022 Divorce, separation, breakup. Whether you’re the one who initiated it, or the one on the receiving end, going through it remains a very difficult life transition. The end of a relationship is not... [CONTINUE READING](https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/5-helpful-tips-to-get-you-through-divorce) - - [1](https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog) - [2](https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/author/max-melomedgmail-com/page/2) - ##### About Amy With compassion and patience, Amy focuses on her client’s unique priorities to build a financial road map that provides clarity to make informed decisions today regarding the future. ##### Links - [Home](https://amf-divorce.com) - [Services](https://amf-divorce.com/divorce-transition-services) - [Our Blog](https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog) - [About Amy](https://amf-divorce.com/about-amy) - [Contact Us](https://amf-divorce.com/contact-us) - [Schedule a Meeting](https://calendly.com/amymahlenmelander) ©2026 Copyright. All rights reserved. A.M. Financial provides supporting financial information, evaluation and analysis to be utilized by the client and the client’s selected attorney if directed, during the process of their divorce. ervices provided in regards to this agreement are solely fee-only and do not involve investment or security advice or insurance transactions. All information is financial in nature and should not be construed or relied upon as legal or tax advice. A.M. Financial IS NOT AN ATTORNEY AND DOES NOT PROVIDE LEGAL OR TAX ADVICE. Individuals are encouraged to seek competent legal and tax advice from professionals who specialize in divorce and tax laws in their respective state. Amy Melander (CRD #4692263) is an Investment Adviser Representative of OneDigital Investment Advisors, LLC (ODIA). ODIA and A.M. Financial are independent and unaffiliated entities. ODIA does not offer or provide divorce financial planning services and any statements and/or opinions expressed by A.M. Financial do not represent the views and/or opinions of ODIA.   This website is a publication of A.M. Financial. Information presented is believed to be factual and up-to-date, but we do not guarantee its accuracy and it should not be regarded as a complete analysis of the subjects discussed. All expressions of opinion reflect the judgment of the authors as of the date of publication and are subject to change. Content should not be viewed as personalized investment advice or as an offer to buy or sell, or a solicitation of any offer to buy or sell the securities mentioned herein. A professional adviser should be consulted before implementing any of the strategies presented. Certified Financial Planner Board of Standards Inc. owns the certification marks CFP®, CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™, CFP® (with plaque design) and CFP® (with flame design) in the U.S., which it awards to individuals who successfully complete CFP Board’s initial and ongoing certification requirements. ```json { "@context" : "http://schema.org", "@type" : "BlogPosting", "articleBody" : "Managing living arrangements during a divorce is tough and is typically the first item on the to-do-list as a divorce moves forward. Determining who is going to keep the house, where someone is going to live and where the money is going to come from are heightened points of contention among spouses. To minimize stress, conflict and provide a healthy atmosphere for children, it is imperative to solve this issue quickly. Various living arrangement options exist such as renting or living with family or friends for a temporary period. However, many individuals do not want to burden friends and families, feel as though they are throwing away money renting in a surging real estate market, which in turn leaves many soon-to-be-divorcees with one option – purchasing a new residence. Before searching the internet and talking with your best friend’s sister who is a real estate agent, read through these tips to save yourself some much needed energy and time: Have Divorce Papers Been Filed? If a divorce petition has been filed to start the process, the relationship status on a mortgage application must be listed as ‘separated’ and not married regardless of if you still reside together in the marital home. Therefore, your spouse’s income will not be included or taken into consideration. In cases where one spouse does not have enough working income to qualify for a mortgage this can present a problem in the home purchasing process as the higher earning spouse’s income will not be involved. A written separation agreement outlining the amount and terms of spousal and child support will be required for loan purposes. Completing an application as married instead of separated when divorce papers have been filed can put yourself at significant risk of having your loan fall through and prove to be a waste time and energy when it could have been utilized more effectively elsewhere. What is Your Income for Mortgage Purposes? Earned income from employment qualifies depending on how long you have been employed. If you have been unemployed for several years while taking care of children at home and recently gained employment it is important to speak with a Certified Divorce Mortgage Lender to determine the length of employment required for loan purposes. For spousal and child support to qualify as income, the receiving spouse must receive payments for 6-months before income can be considered. Often times support payments don’t begin until shortly after a divorce is finalized therefore the divorce timeline itself is an additional waiting period to get through before the 6-months of receipt can be accomplished. After which time an additional minimum of 3 years of future support payments are required to qualify as income. That translates into a bare minimum of at least 3.5 years of support required at the time a separation agreement is written (time periods can vary depending on the type of loan such as FHA, VA, Conventional or Jumbo – make sure to inquire and plan accordingly). Support payments are considered debt obligations and funnel into an individual’s debt-to-income ratios. Emotions & Future Financial Plans Emotion and stress levels are at extreme levels during this time. Individuals look for a quick fix and overlook long-term considerations during the decision-making process. Owning a home involves more then just a mortgage payment; there are significant maintenance costs such as painting, new roofs, landscaping, lawn services, snow removal and replacing all those pesky items that seem to constantly need attention. Rising home values are pushing real estate taxes higher and thus insurance costs year-by-year as the Denver metro area is expanding rapidly. Furnishing a home can drain bank accounts and or push higher debt levels. Re-entering the workforce can create additional expenses like transportation, wardrobe, eating out, daycare, etc. Children grow up and have cells phones, drive cars that need to be insured and may become involved in more costly activities. Inflation Time will move forward, and just like any budget expenditures move upward unless an individual is proactively chopping costs. Even if support is awarded for what is considered a long-period of time (7+ years) most do not increase for rising expenses. Inflation of 3% per year causes living expenses to rise 23% cumulatively over 7 years and 34% in 10 years. For example, a support award of $2,000/month (after-tax) in today’s dollars would only be worth $1,540 in 7 years or $1,320 in 10 years – a huge difference! It is imperative to leave ample room in your budget to achieve long-term financial stability and independence especially with financial commitments such as a mortgage. Conclusion The best financial advice during this living transition is patience or temporary living arrangements until permanent details are settled upon (if there is any form of abuse, safety should be of utmost and primary concern). Qualifying for a mortgage in-and-of-itself does not determine if you can or should purchase a home. Trying to purchase a home without having agreed upon future income or obligations in the form of spousal and/or child support could be financially reckless. Divorce proceedings often turn and twist, changing direction and expectations on a whim. Financial education and planning regarding your complete financial future during this process is imperative to establish a strong financial foundation for your tomorrow. Let’s build a divorce financial strategy that works best for your future! You wouldn’t retire without a financial plan… it might be messy… Don’t divorce without one either! Get the information you need to get started here, or Click here to schedule a free initial consultation with Amy", "author" : { "@type" : "Person", "name" : "max.melomed@gmail.com", "sameAs" : "", "url" : "https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/author/max-melomedgmail-com" }, "dateModified" : "24/04/2023", "datePublished" : "24/04/2023", "headline" : "Buying a Home in the Midst of a Divorce", "image" : { "@type" : "ImageObject", "height" : 400, "url" : "https://cdn2.hubspot.net/hubfs/39875594/Imported_Blog_Media/e261dd_61276f7d836046589a583ccf601037c3~mv2.webp", "width" : 750 }, "mainEntityOfPage" : "https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/buying-a-home-in-the-midst-of-a-divorce", "publisher" : { "@type" : "Organization", "logo" : { "@type" : "ImageObject", "url" : "" }, "name" : "A.M. Financial", "url" : "amf-divorce.com" } } ``` ```json { "@context" : "http://schema.org", "@type" : "BlogPosting", "articleBody" : "There are many ways to approach the divorce process. The options you have to get from deciding to get a divorce to finalizing your divorce and the ways you might even mix and match these methods throughout your journey can impact the rest of your life.  Perhaps you are feeling overwhelmed with where to start, confused that the division of finances might be more complex than you had anticipated, or find yourself unsure that the financial agreements in front of you will meet your future needs. No matter which method of divorce you choose, we can support your journey and help you understand the financial impact of your decisions.  Read on to learn more about four methods of divorce, how they impact your finances, and how we can support you alongside each of them. Do-It-Yourself or Kitchen Table Divorce You may choose to face the complex world of divorce on your own. Clients often choose this path because they feel the split is amicable and a do-it-yourself divorce can save them money without compromising their divorce goals. This approach to divorce does work best when couples are agreeable, can consider the best interests of the whole family, and are able to resolve conflict well. Good candidates for DIY divorce are those with little to no assets, parties with similar incomes so maintenance isn’t needed, and no minor children. In this type of divorce, spouses prepare and file on their own court paperwork, and each party is encouraged to have an attorney independently review final documents. While this approach is often the least expensive short-term, and the quickest way to move through a divorce, mistakes and misunderstandings regularly occur. Often, these DIY plans don’t address long-term needs, financial considerations, changing future circumstances and are usually more expensive to work through for one or both parties post-divorce. Not to mention, other forms of divorce give you access to a professional who can guide you based on experience and best practices, which can be invaluable. Mediator-Led Divorce Some couples choose to work with a trained mediator to assist them in achieving a settlement agreement. There are many benefits of mediation, including the cost savings of litigation, minimizing the psychological challenges of going to court, and reducing conflict. Like DIY divorces, mediator-led divorces can be faster and less expensive than other methods of divorce. Because there is more discussion in a private setting, mediation is a more private and discrete process, and often gives parties more control of the outcome. However, the quality and experience of your mediator as well as existing dynamics in your partnership may strongly influence the outcome of a mediator-led divorce. If your mediator is skilled, they will be able to serve as a neutral third party to help you reach agreements. However, if there is an imbalance of power where one party in the relationship is controlling or forceful with their opinions, those same situations can unfold in mediation, making it difficult to reach an agreement about specific situations. Other times, topics and decisions are overlooked or incomplete due to tension between parties, court-imposed timelines, and/or an inability to cover all topics in the time allotted. The good news is that you can work alongside A.M. Financial throughout the mediation process, which will empower other professionals to be more productive and move your case forward. It also increases the value of the services provided to you by allowing each professional to do what they do best while working together. Litigation Other individuals prefer to retain legal representation for protection and to understand their legal rights. This type of divorce is best suited for parties where there is hostility, disagreement, and a reluctance to compromise. In this method, each party is represented by an attorney and your attorney advocates for you and your desires around the divorce. Many times the attorneys can work together and with you individually to resolve all conflicts and come to an agreement. However, if anything is not resolved, it will go through a mediator prior to being decided by a judge in court if not settled beforehand, although this is rare. In addition, when attorneys are involved, court deadlines can keep the divorce process moving along if one partner is dragging their feet. Often a more expensive option, working with an attorney through the litigation and court process can set you up for long-term success and financial stability. This method of divorce is always recommended if there are safety concerns, abuse, or drug and alcohol addictions. Sometimes this form of divorce is more emotionally taxing because it can feel more out of your hands. Therefore, it’s important to choose an attorney and support system that are compassionate to the whole situation and aligned with your values and needs. Collaborative Divorce Collaborative divorce is a new and growing method of divorce where a team of professionals support the couple who wishes to work together out of court. This method of divorce is a great fit for parties who are open to full and honest disclosure, solution-oriented, forward-thinking, and committed to reaching a mutual agreement. The goal is to help achieve higher priorities, reducing the emotional and financial toll and thus providing a respectful foundation for moving forward. In this team approach, both parties are represented by attorneys who are collaboratively trained and mutually respect both perspectives. They work together toward a win/win for the whole family. Depending on the dynamics of the case, agreements are discussed, settled and drafted before any court documents are submitted which can alleviate pressure the couple may feel. The attorneys are supported by a broader team that can include coaches, mental health professionals, child specialists, attorneys, financial specialists, realtors, appraisers, and even mortgage professionals. For example, in a collaborative divorce, a neutral financial specialist is assigned to help individuals and the team understands the financial aspects of their agreements. Through the advice of counsel, clients can choose when other professionals are brought into the process and for what purpose. Trained mental health facilitators guide the process, address and resolve conflicts, and train the couple with communication skills to help with the case staying on track in a productive manner. This method can be less expensive yet more thorough than litigation because non-legal professionals tend to have lower fees and specialize within their field. The overall goal for the Collaborative professional team is to help support and promote an environment of healing and recovery for the whole family. The team at A.M. Financial can support any of these four methods of divorce and ensure you understand the short- and long-term financial impact of any discussions, proposals, or agreements. We can serve as your financial advocate during a DIY divorce, as a subject matter expert during a litigated divorce, as a financial neutral in a collaborative divorce, or anything in between. To learn more about our experience and to share more about where you are in the divorce process, give us a call or complete the form on our website to schedule a free consultation.", "author" : { "@type" : "Person", "name" : "max.melomed@gmail.com", "sameAs" : "", "url" : "https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/author/max-melomedgmail-com" }, "dateModified" : "05/04/2023", "datePublished" : "05/04/2023", "headline" : "4 Methods of Divorce and How They Impact Your Finances", "image" : { "@type" : "ImageObject", "height" : 400, "url" : "https://cdn2.hubspot.net/hubfs/39875594/Imported_Blog_Media/Advice-Sign-1024x808.jpg", "width" : 750 }, "mainEntityOfPage" : "https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/4-types-of-divorces-and-how-they-impact-your-finances", "publisher" : { "@type" : "Organization", "logo" : { "@type" : "ImageObject", "url" : "" }, "name" : "A.M. Financial", "url" : "amf-divorce.com" } } ``` ```json { "@context" : "http://schema.org", "@type" : "BlogPosting", "articleBody" : "Your divorce is final, you can finally breathe and start to rebuild. The next item on your to-do list is complying with your agreements and facilitating the division of property. Transferring property can be tricky and sometimes trigger unintended tax consequences. Typically this happens to individuals who are not financially savvy, assume everything was addressed in their separation agreements including any form of taxes, do not seek assistance from a financial professional and are in a rush to get all the loose ends tied up to get on with the rest of their lives. The following information will help you steer clear of potential tax landmines during the transfer process: Tax-Free Transfers Property transfers pursuant to a divorce as outlined in a divorce agreement are tax-free under section 1041 of the tax code. Before you make the assumption that this is going to be easy, continue reading. This means the asset transfers tax-free, such as an investment, cars, furniture, retirement accounts, etc. For example, if Anna is awarded $100,000 (or 65 shares) of Joe’s Amazon stock, in order for the transfer to be tax-free Anna will need to open an account and have Joe instruct the institution to transfer the 65 shares of Amazon stock to Anna. Transferring the Amazon stock, the asset, to Anna is tax-free. Hidden Landmine If Anna tells Joe to sell the Amazon stock and write her a check for the proceeds, will this be a tax-free transfer? Technically, the cash, the asset transferring, will transfer tax-free. However, the hidden taxable event occurs when Joe sells the stock. Joe will receive tax documents stating how much of the Amazon stock sale is taxable which will be required to be reported as a gain (or loss if applicable) on his tax return. Since Joe purchased these shares of Amazon 10 years ago for $5,000, he will have realized a $95,000 investment gain which is most commonly taxed at 15%, therefore incurring a $14,250 tax bill. Retirement Accounts Retirement accounts have special tax advantages. Therefore, when investments are sold within a retirement account it is not a taxable event, unlike the prior example. However, a cash withdrawal from a retirement account is a taxable event and generates a 1099R tax form. Similar to the previous example, if Anna opens an IRA account and Joe signs a distribution form pursuant to divorce including a copy of their separation agreement, assets transfer from Joe’s IRA to Anna’s IRA will be tax-free. Hidden Landmine If Anna tells Joe that she needs the money from his IRA account and to write her a check, will this be a tax-free transfer? Unfortunately for Joe, any amount distributed from Joe’s IRA that does not go directly into another IRA with instructions that the transfer is pursuant to divorce will be fully taxable to Joe. For example, if Joe distributes $50,000 from his IRA to write a check to Anna, $50,000 will be reported as taxable income to Joe. Assuming a 24% tax rate, this transfer would cost Joe $12,000 in unforeseen taxes. Conclusion The best way to avoid unintended tax landmines during the highly stressful and expensive time of divorce, is to work alongside a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst who can help facilitate a smooth and effective post-divorce transfer plan. Let’s build a post-divorce financial strategy that works best for your future! You wouldn’t retire without a financial plan… it might be messy! Don’t divorce without one either! Get the information you need to get started here, or Click here to schedule a free initial consultation with Amy", "author" : { "@type" : "Person", "name" : "max.melomed@gmail.com", "sameAs" : "", "url" : "https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/author/max-melomedgmail-com" }, "dateModified" : "30/03/2023", "datePublished" : "30/03/2023", "headline" : "Avoid Tax Landmines While Transferring Assets Post-Divorce", "image" : { "@type" : "ImageObject", "height" : 400, "url" : "https://cdn2.hubspot.net/hubfs/39875594/Imported_Blog_Media/e261dd_a9b4b485aed74f1385412bc9a5f78644~mv2.webp", "width" : 750 }, "mainEntityOfPage" : "https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/avoid-tax-landmines-while-transferring-assets-post-divorce", "publisher" : { "@type" : "Organization", "logo" : { "@type" : "ImageObject", "url" : "" }, "name" : "A.M. Financial", "url" : "amf-divorce.com" } } ``` ```json { "@context" : "http://schema.org", "@type" : "BlogPosting", "articleBody" : "Divorce is a tumultuous time where couples race to the finish line. Although the temptation is understandable, it is important to slow down and prevent as many post-decree disputes ahead of time. The following tips will help save a tremendous amount of brain power and money that is better served during the healing and recovery phase: 1. Details and Dates There is no place more dangerous to make assumptions then divorce. Playing nice doesn’t always pay off when someone else could be angry, vengeful or even destructive by disengaging from the process. Be specific, include details and deadlines. Listing assets and their respective values may not be enough to prevent someone from dragging their feet when fulfilling an agreement. Include account numbers and division instructions including valuation dates. Address how gains and losses associated with the assets will be handled at the time of division. Make sure to include specific dates as to when certain events will occur after the divorce, such as when debts will be refinanced, homes will be listed on the market to sell, items will be returned, parties will move out, etc. 2. Attorney Review Statistics reveal a growing trend where couples are forgoing legal representation and either utilizing mediation or going through the process on their own (pro se). The fear of escalating conflicts and incurring unsightly attorney’s fees is pushing many cases away from the traditional litigation method. Although these thoughts can be terrifying for some, it is imperative to speak with an attorney and, at a minimum, have your agreements reviewed with an attorney who offers unbundled services (i.e., client determined limited scope engagements where fees are charged by the hour). There is a reason attorney’s fees are expensive, it is worth it. Finding the right attorney is crucial to your bottom line. 3. Financial Review The process of dividing financials equitably is usually not as easy as creating a spreadsheet with values and dividing in half. Important concepts that should be analyzed that affect your outcome are before and after tax considerations, liquidity issues, valuations of assets such as businesses, pensions or stock options, budgeting items, transferability and how these effect the needs and priorities of each individual, etc. The divorce process is the starting ground for a new tomorrow. Therefore, it is highly recommended to review your agreement with a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst™. When working with a divorce financial professional it is possible to answer questions such as ‘What will this look like for both of us 10 years from now?’, ‘Will I be okay financially?’ or ‘Do I have what I need?’ before an agreement is made final. 4. Tax Information Usually couples are not aware that they might need tax information from an ex-spouse in the future. Ideally, it is recommended to get copies of all tax returns from the marriage and any other tax information before the divorce is finalized, however, this is not always practical based on the situation. Therefore, it is important to include in an agreement that any tax information associated with the financial division in the future will be provided upon request. Items that could be necessary include retirement contributions, investment gain/loss and purchase information (cost basis), investment loss carry forwards, rental property information such as expenses and depreciation, etc. Mortgage interest is regularly left out of separation agreements leaving the couple arguing over it during tax time. Other tax items and their effectiveness should be reviewed because some individuals may not qualify to utilize a tax benefit based on their income level or tax filing status. 5. Securing Obligations It is imperative to review all agreed upon financial obligations that will take place after the divorce is finalized. If a significant amount of spousal or child support is involved, a life insurance policy should be mandated in the agreement to secure the obligation in the event of the payor’s death. Typically, most divorce attorneys address this, however, it is worth double checking as you can imagine the financial disaster avoided by implementing this! A Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® can help structure a life insurance policy to protect you from an ex-spouse changing the beneficiary or not making premium payments. It is also worthwhile to review with a professional if there are any other obligations that should be secured for financial protection. 6. Closing Joint Debts A divorce decree appointing an ex-spouse as responsible for paying a debt titled in your name or joint name does not give creditors grounds to hold you harmless for late or non-payments. To protect your credit, make sure all joint accounts are retitled (or refinanced) into the responsible party’s sole name. Don’t forget to include previous accounts with zero balance. An angry ex-spouse could take the opportunity to create financial damage. Check your credit report to see if there are accounts you may have forgotten! Don’t forget to include a date with a deadline from tip 1 of this article! 7. Mortgage Qualification Review Take your time before signing on the dotted line – your future will thank you! If refinancing or purchasing a home is in your future after your divorce is finalized, it is imperative to review the divorce settlement with a Certified Divorce Lending Professional to make sure that the agreements you have in place will hold up to refinancing and purchasing guidelines. For example, for spousal or child support to be considered as income in the mortgage process you must receive payments for 6 months as well as have an additional 3 years of support payments due in the future. If the agreement includes 3 years of spousal support, then it will not qualify as income for mortgage lending purposes. Mortgage guidelines are constantly changing so it is important to review your agreement with a professional to avoid unexpected roadblocks later.", "author" : { "@type" : "Person", "name" : "max.melomed@gmail.com", "sameAs" : "", "url" : "https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/author/max-melomedgmail-com" }, "dateModified" : "29/03/2023", "datePublished" : "29/03/2023", "headline" : "7 Things to Review Before Signing Final Divorce Papers", "image" : { "@type" : "ImageObject", "height" : 400, "url" : "https://cdn2.hubspot.net/hubfs/39875594/Imported_Blog_Media/e261dd_ab77a2ee91314233afccda37d7be1659~mv2.webp", "width" : 750 }, "mainEntityOfPage" : "https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/7-things-to-review-before-signing-final-divorce-papers", "publisher" : { "@type" : "Organization", "logo" : { "@type" : "ImageObject", "url" : "" }, "name" : "A.M. Financial", "url" : "amf-divorce.com" } } ``` ```json { "@context" : "http://schema.org", "@type" : "BlogPosting", "articleBody" : "The Coronavirus pandemic has sparked mass unemployment across the US, affecting numerous divorced families with court ordered support obligations. Many unknowns remain during this time such as how long local shelter-in-place orders will remain in effect, if and how many furloughed employees will be rehired and when, and how courts around the country will view the challenges among divorced families that have surfaced. The following are 7 tips to consider to help evaluate a loss in income as it pertains to court ordered support obligations while getting through this national and global emergency together: 1. Stay Calm & Communicate Even during normal non-emergency periods, the best policy is to communicate your change of circumstances with your ex-spouse. Notification opens the topic for consideration for both parties to address it to the best of their abilities moving forward. Refrain from making any swift, one-sided, uninformed decisions that could create additional stress. 2. Remain Flexible Once the lines of communication are open, remain flexible to problem solve together. Every family, married or divorced, is experiencing financial challenges and must be flexible with one another. With court systems shut down and the reality of significant future delays, flexibility and finding a middle ground maybe well worth it for everyone. 3. Consider Decrease in Expenses Many individuals and families are experiencing a decrease of expenses which could help offset a temporary loss of income. Dining out, recreational activities, travel, general shopping, work expenses, gasoline and transportation expenditures have all been significantly minimized for many families. 4. Show Best Effort For some couples, finding middle ground is an impossible task. Therefore, it is important to be able to show good faith regardless of which side you are on. If cash reserves are available to continue paying current obligations, it is extremely important to do so to the best of your ability. If your expenses have possibly decreased as mentioned above, it maybe worth considering your ability to decrease support for a temporary period of time to remain flexible. This is extremely important to stay out of court (who doesn’t want to?). Iff court is inevitable, showing you gave your best effort to resolve the issue in front of a judge will be well worth it. 5. 2019 Tax Return If you have not already filed your 2019 taxes, it may be worth filing sooner then later if you expect to receive a refund. Even if you think you may owe money on your taxes it still is important to file to even though the filing deadline has been extended to July 15, 2020. Payments do not need to be made until July 15th but filing sooner will speed up the process of receiving a stimulus payment. 6. Stimulus Support This week Congress has been working diligently to pass the largest stimulus package in history. So far we expect each individual to receive a check for $1,200 if their income is below $75,000 (phases out after $99,000) and $500 per child age 16 and younger. Many details are not yet available, especially pertaining to divorced families. For example, it is uncertain whether the $500/child amount will go to a Head of Household status filing or an individual filing who was able to claim the child tax credit for the year – many couples alternate child exemptions/credits annually. Currently, it appears the government will be relying on taxpayers 2018 returns to calculate amounts to be sent to taxpayers. Unemployment benefits have also been considerably bolstered. Qualifying for benefits will be significantly easier and less restrictive during the next few months. In addition to the regular state benefits, checks can be expected to have an additional $600/week for up to the next 4 months to help those who are out of work. If you are a small business owner, the stimulus bill includes $300 billion in funds available to help bridge the loss in income that many business are experiencing. More details in how to access these funds are getting ironed out as well. 7. Discuss with Attorney If a mutual agreement can be made to support each other and your family, be sure to discuss it first with your attorney. They will be able to shed light on what could be expected with courts moving forward and if a proposed agreement maybe worth considering. This is an unprecedented time among our family, community, nation and world. We always have been – in this together, and we will reach the other side together. Please contact me directly if I can be of any support during this time including connecting you to any professionals or resources.", "author" : { "@type" : "Person", "name" : "max.melomed@gmail.com", "sameAs" : "", "url" : "https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/author/max-melomedgmail-com" }, "dateModified" : "25/03/2023", "datePublished" : "25/03/2023", "headline" : "Support Obligations During COVID-19 Unemployment", "image" : { "@type" : "ImageObject", "height" : 400, "url" : "https://cdn2.hubspot.net/hubfs/39875594/Imported_Blog_Media/0cbd19_c1471f7034734999b9b230d028e52f59~mv2.webp", "width" : 750 }, "mainEntityOfPage" : "https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/support-obligations-during-covid-19-unemployment", "publisher" : { "@type" : "Organization", "logo" : { "@type" : "ImageObject", "url" : "" }, "name" : "A.M. Financial", "url" : "amf-divorce.com" } } ``` ```json { "@context" : "http://schema.org", "@type" : "BlogPosting", "articleBody" : "When dividing assets in divorce most people, individuals, mediators and attorneys alike, tend to focus on the property division spreadsheet. Current values of assets are listed along with outstanding debt balances that are deemed to be marital. Typically, above all else, the focus and end goal is to split property 50-50. With so much emphasis on this spreadsheet that dictates the remainder of your financial future, is there anything missing that could dramatically change your post-divorce expectations? One of the first initial complications of divorce is altering living arrangements. Planning for this change usually creates strain on the budget and tension within how the family will operate in two homes. Divorce proceedings may have already began or the process is nearing which creates more stress and demands. Moving into a rental property that the couple owns may seem like an easy answer for solving these overwhelming living arrangement issues. However, converting rental property to a primary residence can cause significant tax complications down the road that weren’t anticipated or discussed during a dissolution of marriage. Be cautious of what might be missing! Capital Gains Tax Capital gains are assessed when a property is sold, whether the property is real property, a personal residence or combination as discussed in the previous article in this series, Property Division in Divorce Part 3: Home Equity (click here to read). Individuals or couples that have owned and been living in the home for two out of the last five years can offset gains by utilizing the primary home exclusion of up to $250,000 for individuals or $500,000 for married filing joint couples. However, The Housing Assistance Tax Act of 2008 has complicated the exclusion for property that has been used as both a primary residence and a rental property. In cases where the property has been rented out after 2009, not all of the gains associated with the property can be offset with the above exclusions even if the ownership and living requirements have been met. With the tremendous real estate growth that has been experienced in the Denver market this past decade, it is imperative to understand how much of the capital gains can be sheltered with the primary residence exclusion and if there are any amounts that will be exempt. Depreciation Recapture If the property has at anytime been rented to tenets, most likely depreciation occured. Owners depreciate assets such as rental property because it will lower income taxes and help offset rental income. Depreciation can not be offset by a primary residence capital gain exclusion which was discussed above. Therefore, any amount depreciated while holding the property will be subject to 25% depreciation recapture tax. Conclusion Making the decision of moving into a rental property that you own can be more complex then what it may seem on the surface with unique tax issues involved. The value of these properties on the property division spreadsheet may not always be of the same value down the road after taxes have been evaluated. Be sure to consider all the financial components of your divorce transition; how they affect your priorities and long-term financial situation. Financial education, analysis and proper planning before signing the final papers is more important than ever to build a strong foundation for the next chapter in life. Let’s build a property division strategy that works best for your future! You wouldn’t retire without a financial plan… it might be messy! Don’t divorce without one either! Get the information you need to get started here, or Click here to schedule a free initial consultation with Amy", "author" : { "@type" : "Person", "name" : "max.melomed@gmail.com", "sameAs" : "", "url" : "https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/author/max-melomedgmail-com" }, "dateModified" : "05/03/2023", "datePublished" : "05/03/2023", "headline" : "Converting Rental Property to a Primary Residence: Property Division in Divorce, Part 4", "image" : { "@type" : "ImageObject", "height" : 400, "url" : "https://cdn2.hubspot.net/hubfs/39875594/Imported_Blog_Media/c38cd71759f744e1a7ec2d10871410da.webp", "width" : 750 }, "mainEntityOfPage" : "https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/converting-rental-property-to-a-primary-residence-property-division-in-divorce-part-4", "publisher" : { "@type" : "Organization", "logo" : { "@type" : "ImageObject", "url" : "" }, "name" : "A.M. Financial", "url" : "amf-divorce.com" } } ``` ```json { "@context" : "http://schema.org", "@type" : "BlogPosting", "articleBody" : "What do you need to know if a divorce is possible in your future? Regardless of which path your relationship goes, here are seven helpful tips to be aware of: 1. Seek the RIGHT Advice for YOU Not all advice is best for your situation. Relationships are different, and all divorce experiences are unique. Be sure to take friend’s and family’s advice with the grain of salt. Not all divorce professionals are aligned with your priorities regarding your changing relationship with your spouse and therefore what you need. Some attorneys excel at litigating divorce which can cause more conflict yet provide the highest level of protection for those who require that level of representation. Make sure to research divorce methods, the pro’s and con’s of each option, and what is best suited for you before moving forward (refer to Divorce Methods & Options here). Research and interview qualified professional who align with the method that best suites you and provides the qualified services you require. The following are a list of professionals available to help you: Attorney Collaborative Attorney Mediator Financial Divorce Analyst Divorce Coach Counselor (or Collaborative Facilitator) Is a Divorce in Your Future? Get Prepared with These Essential Tips. 2. Gather and Organize Financial Information Regardless of where your future is headed, it is extremely important to be aware of your finances. If at all possible, locate financial documentation titled in either you or your spouse’s name. The more organized you are, the more you will be able to utilize time with professionals, know what should be monitored and move forward more easily if things progress. If things do not proceed to divorce, you will now be a more informed and accountable partner. Here is a list of items to prepare: Bank Statements Business Statements (assets, debts, income and expenses) Retirement Account Statements Investment Account Statements Private Investment Contracts Debt Statements (credit cards, car loans, mortgages, student loans, etc) Pay Stubs or other income documentation (W-2s, 1099s, check copies, etc) Income Tax Returns (past 3 years) List of assets and debts brought into marriage (and respective values at the time) Business Balance Sheet and Profit and Loss reports Credit report (to ensure all debt is accurate and protect sources) Other additional documentation maybe required as your case moves forward. If you do not have access to this information and a divorce is initiated, your spouse will be court ordered to provide you with all financial information. 3. Establish a Separate Bank Account and Credit Card In the event you and your spouse are not seeing eye to eye and you require funds to hire an attorney or make a deposit on a new living arrangement, it is critical to have funds available to access either through a checking account or available credit. If a spouse has already filed for divorce it is important to make sure to disclose any new accounts to your spouse and it’s purpose to provide transparency. It is never advised to open an account to try and hide money. Seeking legal counsel before making these changes is always recommended. 4. Track Current and Future Anticipated Expenses Understanding your current financial obligations (expenses) versus total household income will help you and your support team map what you need in the future. Staying current all debt and expenses during this time should be a high priority even if it means only paying required minimums. Minimize expenditures as best as possible to prepare for additional expenses such as professional fees and alternative housing costs. 5. Set Priorities & Establish Boundaries Everyone hopes for an amicable divorce. The reality is that sometimes as much as we try to keep things cordial, sometimes escalated conflict is out of our control. It is important to start with firm boundaries and be willing to compromise. To avoid getting stuck on one issue, be aware of your priorities regarding the divorce and refocus often (write down your priorities on the Priority Worksheet here). It helps to do this at the beginning before arguments heighten. 6. Do Not Make Big Financial Decisions It may be tempting to sell an investment to raise cash or purchase a new home to solve short-term needs while the divorce is pending. However, making big decisions before knowing the details of the largest financial transition in your life and how it will affect your future, is extremely risky and very challenging logistically – in other words, a lot of room for errors. If a spouse has filed for divorce, making significant financial changes that are not approved by your partner may be grounds for contempt of court. 7. Stay Calm Emotions are known for taking over, pushing couples into divorce and heightening both conflict and costs during the process. If you have been going to marital counseling and continue to feel like you are not making the progress you need, it may be time to consider a different type of counseling. Discernment counseling helps you determine if you want to move forward with a divorce. If you or your spouse make the decision to divorce, a divorce coach can help you keep your emotions in check during the process, weigh various options, improve communication and create a well thought out plan for telling your children if applicable. Remember that once a divorce is final, agreements can be significantly harder to change, if at all. Surround yourself with friends and family that will help support you through the process and hire professionals that are best suited for you and your changing family. It is possible to plan for a smooth financial transition today that leads to a stronger tomorrow. Contact Amy at A.M. Financial for all of your Denver Divorce Financial Planning needs.", "author" : { "@type" : "Person", "name" : "max.melomed@gmail.com", "sameAs" : "", "url" : "https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/author/max-melomedgmail-com" }, "dateModified" : "07/02/2023", "datePublished" : "07/02/2023", "headline" : "7 Tips if a Divorce is on the Horizon", "image" : { "@type" : "ImageObject", "height" : 400, "url" : "https://cdn2.hubspot.net/hubfs/39875594/Imported_Blog_Media/0cbd19_a47f2d62c506477182994a09f4d42517~mv2.webp", "width" : 750 }, "mainEntityOfPage" : "https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/7-tips-if-a-divorce-is-on-the-horizon", "publisher" : { "@type" : "Organization", "logo" : { "@type" : "ImageObject", "url" : "" }, "name" : "A.M. Financial", "url" : "amf-divorce.com" } } ``` ```json { "@context" : "http://schema.org", "@type" : "BlogPosting", "articleBody" : "Transitioning financially through divorce has many moving parts. Stress testing your strategy regarding how income and expenses can change your circumstances in the future is important to consider. Understanding how spousal or child support can be modified will help you answer questions such as ‘should I go back to work?’, ‘how much should I spend on rent?’ or ‘how much should I keep in my emergency fund?’ Overall, it also assists you in creating a workable settlement that you feel secure about moving forward. This topic is subject to state statutes and legal counsel is always advised regarding your specific situation. The following are considered general guidelines. A.M. Financial does not provide legal or tax advice. Spousal Support Start by reviewing your divorce papers as they might provide insight regarding allowable modifications regarding your case. Some arrangements allow for adjustments due to income changes within a specific percentage by either party. For example, receiving a significant pay raise or transitioning from part-time to full-time work could trigger modifications to support. Other changes in employment, living arrangements (moving in with a boyfriend or roommate) or injuries leading to long-term disabilities can also be cause for support to be modified. Contractual spousal support agreements mean modifications cannot be made unless stated otherwise. Individuals who have concerns that an ex-spouse could potentially and purposefully be vindictive, e.g., risking their employment in attempts to avoid paying support, should speak with their attorney to see if a contractual support agreement or lump-sum payout would be a workable option for your case. Be aware that if spousal support decreases more than $15,000 per year within the first three years after a divorce, significant tax consequences could result unless the changes were due to death or remarriage. It is important to speak to an attorney or tax professional to review your case. Child Support Child support is determined by state guidelines which are based on overnight visits with each parent. If the number of overnight visits changes due to a move, change in school or other circumstance, parties can petition for a modification. Many of the same occurrences that can change spousal support also apply to child support – employment changes, disabilities, etc. Child expenses such as medical expenses, daycare, educational expenses or extra-curricular activities are addressed either in the child support worksheet or the parenting plan. When items listed on the child support worksheet change, such as daycare expenses or child health insurance expenses, modifications can be made. Spousal support is viewed as income to the recipient and affects the amount of child support. Therefore, if spousal support is modified then child support will most likely change as well. How to Modify Support Arrangements If changes have occurred that warrant a modification in either spousal or child support, paperwork should be submitted requesting an adjustment with an explanation for the change. Just like any other time in the divorce process, it is prudent to seek legal counsel to understand your rights and how to protect yourself. Depending on the situation, if a petition for modification is received in agreement with the other party the process can be straight forward and timely. In other cases, when parties are unable to come to an agreement, the issue will be decided in front of a judge. It is important to note that individuals remain responsible for court-ordered arrangements until a request for modification has been submitted and alternate arrangements have been approved.", "author" : { "@type" : "Person", "name" : "max.melomed@gmail.com", "sameAs" : "", "url" : "https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/author/max-melomedgmail-com" }, "dateModified" : "14/01/2023", "datePublished" : "14/01/2023", "headline" : "Stress Testing a Budget in Divorce", "image" : { "@type" : "ImageObject", "height" : 400, "url" : "https://cdn2.hubspot.net/hubfs/39875594/Imported_Blog_Media/e2f69251cb244a16a0c1f7d6f87aba1e.webp", "width" : 750 }, "mainEntityOfPage" : "https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/stress-testing-a-budget-in-divorce", "publisher" : { "@type" : "Organization", "logo" : { "@type" : "ImageObject", "url" : "" }, "name" : "A.M. Financial", "url" : "amf-divorce.com" } } ``` ```json { "@context" : "http://schema.org", "@type" : "BlogPosting", "articleBody" : "When dividing assets in divorce individuals, mediators and attorneys alike, tend to focus on the property division spreadsheet. The current values of asset and debt balances determined to be marital are outlined. Typically, above all else, the focus and end goal is to split property 50-50. With so much emphasis on this spreadsheet that dictates the remainder of your financial future, is there anything missing that could dramatically change your post-divorce experience? In most divorces, the largest asset involved tends to be the home and therefore carries a plethora of questions regarding equity and living arrangements moving forward. The bulk of planning efforts focus on basic budgeting and are driven from an emotional perspective of either an intense feeling of wanting to keep the home, run from it or utter confusion. Regardless of whether you wish to stay in the home or establish a new living space by renting or purchasing a new home, it would be remiss to rely solely on the real estate value listed on the property division worksheet, basic budgeting applications and not consider the following: Part 3: Home Equity and Future Living Arrangements Capital Gains Tax Capital gains taxes are assessed when a home is sold. Therefore, when one partner refinances and stays in the home, future taxes are overlooked during the divorce process as all eyes are focused on the equity numbers listed on property division worksheet. When the home is sold post-divorce an exclusion is available for up to $500,000 for married couples or $250,000 for individuals as long as the home has been owned and used as a primary residence for two out of the last five years. The equity growth and potential capital gains tax involved, especially for longer marriages, can be significant down the road if a spouse stays in the home and can only utilize the lower individual exclusion. For example, if Anne wishes to stay in the home where she raised her kids for the passed 18 years that was purchased for $150,000 and is now worth $750,000, upon sale of the home (assuming no additional growth in value) she would experience a $600,000 gain. If she refinanced the home into her sole name and remains unmarried, Anne would qualify for a $250,000 exclusion leaving her with a taxable gain of $350,000. Capital gains are most often taxed at a rate of 15% which would amount to an additional tax bill of $52,500 when the home is sold – a large financial burden to deal with for an individual! Keep in mind that if there is additional equity growth in the home, the tax will be even larger. Mortgage Lending Requirements Many couples finalize their divorce without integrating mortgage lending requirements into their settlement which can close doors for intended plans post-divorce. Debt to income and loan to value ratios are directly affected by equity payout agreements and support payments that are nearly impossible to change for mortgage lending purposes after a divorce has been finalized. To qualify as income, spousal and child support payments must meet specific time guidelines. These issues don’t affect the property division worksheet directly, however, post-divorce changes affect the financial strategy within the property division worksheet. Read Part 1: Retirement Accounts and Part 2: Non-Retirement Accounts in this series for more information and examples. On-Going Maintenance and Taxes Regardless of if you are planning on staying in your home or purchasing a new home, a home inspection is recommended. This report provides a full picture of the condition of the home, outlining serious issues that might require substantial financial outlays as well as other problems that should be addressed causing a financial impact down the road. As real estate values continue to climb, property taxes continue to rise. If you are looking for long-term living arrangements post-divorce it is important to leave a large enough margin in your budget to adjust for possible tax increases and home maintenance whether it is expected and listed on an inspection report or an unforeseen emergency – don’t overlook the importance of an emergency fund and how to manage replenishing it. Conclusion Establishing living arrangements for moving forward is complex and requires more analysis and planning then exclusively relying on a 50-50 division of property concept. Be sure to evaluate all the financial components of your divorce transition; how they affect your priorities and long-term financial situation. Financial education, analysis and proper planning before signing the final papers is more important than ever to build a strong foundation for the next chapter in life. Let’s build a property division strategy that works best for you and your future! You wouldn’t retire without a financial plan… it might be messy! Don’t divorce without one either! Get the information you need to get started here, or Click here to schedule a free initial consultation with Amy", "author" : { "@type" : "Person", "name" : "max.melomed@gmail.com", "sameAs" : "", "url" : "https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/author/max-melomedgmail-com" }, "dateModified" : "13/01/2023", "datePublished" : "13/01/2023", "headline" : "Property Division Values, Part 3: Home Equity", "image" : { "@type" : "ImageObject", "height" : 400, "url" : "https://cdn2.hubspot.net/hubfs/39875594/Imported_Blog_Media/a6bd209816b54d1eca7231d293d682f7.webp", "width" : 750 }, "mainEntityOfPage" : "https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/property-division-values-part-3-home-equity", "publisher" : { "@type" : "Organization", "logo" : { "@type" : "ImageObject", "url" : "" }, "name" : "A.M. Financial", "url" : "amf-divorce.com" } } ``` ```json { "@context" : "http://schema.org", "@type" : "BlogPosting", "articleBody" : "Divorce, separation, breakup. Whether you’re the one who initiated it, or the one on the receiving end, going through it remains a very difficult life transition. The end of a relationship is not something we plan ahead or hope for usually, and there’s often an element of surprise attached to it, whether you saw it coming or not. If you are in the process of separating, or divorcing, my heart goes to you. If you are the one subjected to it, here are 5 things you should know about this stage that I hope will help you normalize your current experience and help you get through it with a little more ease. 1- You will go through a roller coaster of emotions One moment you may feel enraged and you may want to destroy everything that reminds you of your partner. The next one, you may miss him/her/them incredibly. Then, you may try to bargain with yourself: “If I could talk to him again, if I hadn’t done or said this or that to her, if only they gave me a real chance…” Sometimes all these emotions will hit you at the same time, which may feel very confusing. This is normal and to be expected. Your mind and your heart are fighting against the reality of the situation. My advice to you is to let yourself feel whatever emotions come up, and stay away from the “should feel”. You’re not supposed to feel one way or another. Grief is a messy process and we all go through it in a unique way. So, next time a wave of emotions comes up, remember that it has a beginning and an end. 2- You will go through the stages of grief in no order Grief is not a structured and organized process. Even though you may have heard of the Kübler-Ross stages of grief, these are just a road map, not a box in which everyone who goes through a loss fits. You may spend more time in the first stages (anger, denial, bargaining and depression) at the beginning, or you may not. You may go from one stage to the other within seconds or days. Acceptance may come in small bites here and there, or as the final piece of a long journey. Also, not everyone who grieves goes through all of these stages, and that’s okay: you do not have to go through each stage to feel better. Remind yourself that you are unique, and so is your process. Sometimes it helps to write down what you’re experiencing. Some people carry a small notebook everywhere to jot down a few thoughts or emotions as they come. There’s something really cathartic in the old-fashioned writing process. 3- Your self-esteem and confidence may be down for a while You may go through all the reasons why the relationship ended, and you may even blame yourself. “If I were smarter, prettier, more passionate, had a job…. He/she/they would have stayed with me” are common thoughts in this situation. Your self-esteem may be temporary lower than usual and you will gain it back as you heal. Or maybe the separation brought to light the low self-esteem you had been experiencing for a long time that your relationship had helped cover up. For more details, you can read my blog posts on why your self-esteem goes in the dumps after a separation, and the 5 ways to boost your self-esteem. 4- High emotions and finances don’t mix well together While going through the grief and emotional roller coaster that a divorce or separation often brings up, you may be required to make major life decisions that may impact you long-term. Deciding how to divide assets and making sure you get what you need or want without feeling cheated or destitute may seem overwhelming from a financial perspective. Amy Mahlen, a Certified Financial Planner® and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst®, believes it is crucial to address these questions objectively before a divorce is finalized to create a healthy foundation for moving forward and rebuilding. Understandably, individuals tend to make emotional decisions regarding finances during this tumultuous time usually out of fear or anger. Often, choices made with emotions in the driver seat can lead to a bumpy ride, possibly laden with potholes and detours. There is a way to answer financial worries that may emotionally consume you during the process such as ‘will I be okay?’ or ‘will I have what I need?’ before you settle. A financial analysis, in many cases can decrease conflict, speed up the process and provide clarity regarding decisions that will chart the next chapter of your life. 5- Don’t bank everything on the power of time Time will certainly be a major component to help you recover and heal. However, don’t count only on time to heal in a healthy way. Going through a major life transition such as a divorce is an opportunity to know yourself better, become more self-aware of your limiting beliefs about yourself and others and unproductive habits or ways of thinking that may not serve you to build a future healthy, and fulfilling relationship. This is not about blaming you or your partner for ending the relationship, it’s about taking responsibility for what we do that tends to benefit or impact the relationship negatively. The alternative of not doing the work on yourself will be to recreate the same patterns and having similar difficulties in your next relationship, with maybe the added baggage of unprocessed thoughts, beliefs, memories around your past relationship that will potentially hijack you. You can do some of this work with the help of self-help books, journaling, meditation or other tools that help you self-reflect. Therapy of course is also an option to go deeper and help you heal more fully. I often see clients at this stage, when they need help to make sense of certain life events, understand what worked and what didn’t in their past relationships, figure out without blame or judgement what part each partner played in the outcome, learn new ways of communicating and behaving. Valerie can be reached through her website at www.denverflowcounseling.com", "author" : { "@type" : "Person", "name" : "max.melomed@gmail.com", "sameAs" : "", "url" : "https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/author/max-melomedgmail-com" }, "dateModified" : "01/06/2022", "datePublished" : "01/06/2022", "headline" : "5 Helpful Tips to Get You Through Divorce", "image" : { "@type" : "ImageObject", "height" : 400, "url" : "https://cdn2.hubspot.net/hubfs/39875594/Imported_Blog_Media/efb2a0768e7f4ad38f056128727a919a.webp", "width" : 750 }, "mainEntityOfPage" : "https://amf-divorce.com/our-blog/5-helpful-tips-to-get-you-through-divorce", "publisher" : { "@type" : "Organization", "logo" : { "@type" : "ImageObject", "url" : "" }, "name" : "A.M. Financial", "url" : "amf-divorce.com" } } ```